I've finally been able to whittle my expansive list of side hustles down to just one: public address announcer for high school and junior college sports. I almost got to Division I basketball, but came up just short. I've tried to go pro, but haven't yet ascended that far up.

When you're courtside and in front of the crowd (oftentimes in front of the visiting team's fans), you hear some sh*t. A lot of it shouldn't be said at high school games. Haven't we been over this multiple times already? YES WE HAVE.

Here comes the Choadeye! via Choad)
Here comes the Choadeye! (via Choad)
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I worked 10 games last week, and the fans were mostly respectful at the majority of them. Those few games where the fans are straight trash takes all the fun out of doing these.

Parents: I can't believe I still have to say this (again): this is high school sports. HIGH SCHOOL. Calm your ass down, practice good sportsmanship, and set a positive example for your kid(s)! The fans for one visiting team were screaming at the players, screaming at the officials...and screaming at me for playing video game sound effects during the game. Listen, jerkfaces: I won't apologize for having fun, and I won't apologize for your school obviously having a lame p.a. announcer, since hearing a Mario coin sound after a made free throw is so foreign to you that it's downright triggering.

Heckling the opposing team's players should result in a technical foul and an immediate ejection from the building. Screaming at your own kid for missing a layup should get you banned from attending your team's games for the rest of the season.

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This isn't rocket science, and it isn't professional sports: it's high school. The kids still have developing brains and absolutely will not react like an adult would react, so show them how they should react. Accept that your glory days are long gone, leave the coaching to the coaches, the reffing to the refs, and be a supportive human being...or stay home and whine at your tv.

And speaking of coaches: there's passionate, and then there's ridiculous. One coach (for a visiting team) had repeated temper tantrums through the game, even throwing his clipboard a couple times. This jerk has no business coaching high school sports.

And speaking of referees: they make mistakes, they're human, and they're in short supply. You don't have to like their officiating; but keep in mind that if refs can't be found for a game, the game gets cancelled. Not only will the kids not be able to play a game they love (and - being busy - stay out of trouble), event workers for these games (concessions, ticket window, public address announcers, etc.) will also be S.O.L.

Develop some emotional maturity and just enjoy the game, because it's...wait for it...a game.

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