TRIGGER WARNING: mass immaturity coupled with actual job details forthcoming.

If you love wieners, an online gambling site wants you to travel to all 30 Major League Baseball stadiums and get full-on nerdy - not dirty - with the wieners.

Do YOU Have What it Takes to Be a Wiener Connoisseur?

Of course I had to Google how to spell that. Twice. As well as how to spell "connoisseur".

Bet U.S. is an online gambling site that's trying to penetrate the already-overstuffed online gambling market by making a big splash with perhaps the greatest summer job of all time: Wiener Connoisseur.

What would you as a Wiener Connoisseur do? Well, you get to eat the wieners at each ballpark, but the company doesn't really care how those things taste. What Bet U.S. wants to know about each and every wiener is its dimensions, because Bet U.S. believes that wiener size matters.

What You'll Be Wiener Tracking

Once you get your hands on a wiener (and before you devour it like [EDITED FOR CONTENT]), you need to whip out the ruler and measure that wiener. You'll need a tape measure, too, because Bet U.S. wants to know the girth diameter of each wiener you encounter (and there will be a lot of them). I suggest using a digital caliper to measure the girth diameter of the wieners. For accuracy.

But wait, there's more!

Bet U.S. wants to know how much each wiener weighs.

Photo by Jonathan Taylor on Unsplash
It's good to have all of your 'dogs in a row (Photo by Jonathan Taylor on Unsplash)

After miles upon miles of wiener measuring, you'll then be tasked to rank the wieners by length. For reasons.

The gig of Wiener Connoisseur is not a full-time job, but you won't be handling wieners for free. As part of your compensation, Bet U.S. will:

  • buy your ticket to ride for the games
  • cover travel expenses for your wiener journey
  • pay you $2500 for your wiener troubles
  • $500 gift card to MLB Shop
  • a basically worthless subscription to MLB.TV

Apply online by April 18th to be a Wiener Connoisseur. They just want your name, email, and a short (but not too short) blurb about why you're the most qualified person to measure wieners nationwide.

Come on, Eileen!

If you need me, I'll be in the HR's office.

H/T: Axios

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DISCLAIMER: this is an article originally posted on a rock website and written by a guy named Choad. Yes, it's a bit childish. Yes, it's an actual job. Yes, Choad's an idiot.

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