St Cloud Conspiracy Theories (Satire)

I was reading through some information about this "not wrapped tight" group called QAnon. I'm sure you've heard of them. They have some pretty crazy conspiracy theories that anyone with an ounce of common sense would dismiss but yet they actually have believers. I blame lead paint chips.

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Just for the fun of it, I've decided to make up my own conspiracy theories and see what happens.  So, here we go;

• Target stores broadcast subliminal messages over their PA system that tell you to buy a bunch of stuff you didn't come in for.
• All this hot weather lately in Minnesota is the Universe stomping it's feet about people that leave their shopping carts in the middle of the parking lot.
• St Cloud potholes are actually caused by people in the wheel alignment business out late at night digging holes in the street.
• Sugar Daddy's will reopen with an appearance of JFK and Michael Jackson
• St Cloud Superman could actually fly if it wasn't for this gravity nonsense.
• 1 out of 3 customers at the St Cloud Walmart are actually from another planet and are actually fashion icons where they come from.
• Sartell actually has a downtown area and no one knows where it is.
• St Cloud squirrels are suicidal.
• Roundabouts were cleverly placed where people were having a lot of difficulty figuring out how to use a 4 way stop.
• Munsinger Gardens is a front that supplies all of Minnesota with peyote.
• Waite Park Kmart is closed just in case Elvis wants to do his Christmas shopping.  

There you go.  If you believe any of this, please seek professional help.