Signs You May Be Getting Old (satire)
They, whoever the hell they are, say getting older is much better than the alternative, How "they" know that is what my question is. Everyone ages differently, depending on many variables and lifestyle has to be the biggest factor.
Here are a few signs that may signal you are "getting up there" in age:
- You don't sleep as well anymore. I chalk this up to just more crap on your mind.
- An "pulling an all-nighter" now means you didn't have to get up and pee.
- People call you sir or ma'am.
- You make the same sounds getting up out of a chair as you used to make during sex.
- Your doctor seems to say "at your age" a lot.
- You couldn't care less what other people think. (This is actually very freeing)
- The movie stars you used to lust after, when you were young, are either in their 80's or dead.
- Things "guaranteed for life" don't impress you much anymore.
- The place you are most likely to see old friends is at funerals.
- You're basically invisible to younger people
- For men, an alternative use for Viagra is just to keep you from rolling out of bed at night.
- You tend to say WTF a lot when operating any kind of computer. (That may be just me)
- Birthdays pop up on Facebook of people that died years ago.
- When going out at night, a nap beforehand is mandatory.
- AARP keeps sending you membership offers. (No, I don't want your f'ing tote bag)
- You realize that comfort is much more important than style.
- You find yourself being annoyed a lot.
- You have a favorite spatula.
- And finally, when awakened by a noise at night, you just go back to sleep thinking "If they're going to kill me, they'll have to find me".
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