Do you know how many cell phones have traces of poop on them? 1 in 6. Look up right now. You see five other people? It’s probably your phone. We all know why this is happening, right?

Don’t you remember the days where if you had to go to the bathroom, you simply went to the bathroom. Now it’s more like, “Oh my gosh, I have to take a sh*t. Where’s my cell phone?!” And if you happen to forget it, well that’s just the worst isn’t it, you just have to sit there all bored. Come on! Are you kidding me with this?! It’s so boring to have to sit on the toilet, that you need your phone for entertainment? Give me a break.

The likely reason we are seeing so much poop on people’s phones is because people take it in there with them and aren’t washing their hands. Or perhaps you get the feces on your phone and you do wash your hands, but you pick your phone up again at some point, right? Bam! Feces covered hands. That’s why people had magazines dedicated to keeping them in the bathroom, so we wouldn’t have this problem. Don’t you remember the Seinfeld episode where George tries to put a library book back on the shelf and he gets stopped because it’s been flagged since it was in the bathroom? Makes sense to me! Reading material should stay in the bathroom.

So next time you ask to borrow your friend’s phone, I’d think twice. Oh, and hopefully you aren’t reading this on your cell phone and haven’t been scrolling thru poop this whole time.

I mean Really!

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